At Learn2Care, we think some of the most powerful caregiving stories are those of people who have been on both sides of the care equation. They are the people who have both the professional experience and the personal experience of caring for an aging relative. Their stories are a powerful reminder that even with all the knowledge and experience you can possibly have, caring for an aging relative is going to throw up all sorts of unexpected hurdles, all sorts of difficult decisions, and all sorts of opportunities for real connection.
We spoke to Laurette Foggini CMC, an elder care professional, author, and former long-distance family caregiver with over 20 years’ experience in the field. When her parents started to require more support as they aged and moved across the country, she found that even the best professional training could only get you so far. She and her younger brother learned how to juggle her parents’ need for independence, the need for care, and her own need for self-care.
Her story is about navigating care across distances, finding strength in family teamwork, and recognizing why no caregiver should have to do it alone.
Here is Laurette’s story, in her own words.
When Professional Experience Became Personal
My caregiving journey began to take shape when I entered the field professionally, almost 20 years ago. At the time, my parents, who lived across the country, were still active and healthy.
Watching so many families navigate the aging chapter left me both prepared and unprepared for what came next.
I became vigilant for signs that my parents might need more support. That was where my professional experience helped me feel prepared. But when I offered my expertise and long-distance support, I encountered resistance I hadn’t anticipated.
And so the journey began: figuring out how to support my parents from across the country while respecting their autonomy.
Finding My Caregiver Hero
The most meaningful part of this experience was working with my younger brother, who was able and willing to move closer to both parents.
He became my Caregiver Hero. I even dedicated a book to him, The Tale of a Hero I Know, which is available on Amazon.
Together, we provided both local and long-distance care as our parents aged and eventually passed away.
That experience brought us closer. It also helped us appreciate our individual strengths and understand how much more we could accomplish by working together.
The Challenges of Living Between Two Coasts
Balancing a bi-coastal life was not easy.
Fortunately, I was between jobs and able to step away from my life in San Francisco. Still, spending extended time in my childhood home meant being away from my partner, my large social network, and the routines that kept me grounded.
Having a few friends on the East Coast helped, even though they weren’t in the same town.
My brother and I eventually worked out a schedule that allowed both of us to step away from our caregiving duties and spend time with other people. Making room for social activities and enjoyment became an important part of maintaining balance.
Hiring respite care was also critical.
It took us a while to convince our mother to accept outside help. At first, we had to introduce that support discreetly because she was resistant to the idea. Eventually, she became comfortable accepting limited assistance.
Through it all, I learned that supporting aging parents means finding a balance between respecting their wishes and recognizing when additional help is needed.
My Message to Other Caregivers
My message to new caregivers is to work with your local resources.
If you have a family member willing to help, figure out how to divide responsibilities and work together.
If no family members live nearby, speak with a care manager who can provide local support when needed.
And if finances make hiring someone difficult, contact local caregiver support organizations to learn what services may be available.
Don’t do this alone!
Caregiving can be challenging, especially when distance, family dynamics, and personal responsibilities come into play. Having the right people and resources around you can make a meaningful difference.
Laurette Foggini is an elder care professional, author, and Certified Care Manager (CMC) with nearly two decades of experience helping older adults and families navigate caregiving challenges. Her professional background includes developing elder care solutions, coordinating non-medical care services, managing care teams, and building relationships with families and community professionals.
She is also an Activity Specialist with The Hummingbird Project Therapeutic Activity Program, supporting meaningful engagement and quality of life for older adults. Drawing on her experience as both an elder care professional and a long-distance family caregiver, Laurette advocates for family collaboration, caregiver self-care, and practical support systems. She is the author of The Tale of a Hero I Know, a book dedicated to her younger brother in recognition of his role in caring for their aging parents.
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