The role of being a caregiver is one of the most challenging roles one can take on. For many adult children, supporting aging parents means juggling work, families, and relationships—often while carrying quiet feelings of guilt, grief, and overwhelm. The pressure to do it all can leave caregivers exhausted, resentful, and unsure if they are “enough.”
This struggle is even more complex in families with unresolved histories. Old dynamics resurface, boundaries are tested, and the emotional weight of caregiving can feel heavier than the tasks themselves. But it doesn’t have to stay this way.
That’s where Jeanette Yates comes in. A lifelong caregiver, best-selling author, and founder of The Self-Caregiver LLC, Jeanette empowers women to break free from cycles of guilt and burnout. Drawing from her personal experience and professional certifications in mindfulness, yoga, and trauma-informed coaching, she helps caregivers reclaim confidence, balance, and self-worth.
Caregiver guilt is common, but the first step is to examine where it comes from. Sometimes the pressure is internal—we convince ourselves we are not doing enough simply because we cannot do everything. Other times, guilt is triggered by external voices: parents, family members, cultural expectations, or comparisons to the past.
The key is awareness. Reflect on why you feel inadequate and identify the beliefs or influences behind those thoughts. Once you recognize the source, you can begin to challenge and unlearn unrealistic expectations. More often than not, “not doing enough” is a story we tell ourselves—not the reality.
Caring for parents always brings challenges because of the natural power shift. Many of us grew up believing we should never say “no” to a parent. Yet caregiving often requires setting limits, which feels uncomfortable, even in healthy families.
In families with difficult or traumatic histories, those challenges are magnified. Old patterns and unresolved issues resurface, making caregiving feel like stepping back into unhealthy dynamics. The first step is acknowledgment. Therapy, coaching, or support groups can help caregivers process old wounds and improve communication.
– Jeanette Yates, Founder, The Self-Caregiver LLC
Boundaries are not about controlling others; they are about defining what you will or will not do. And upholding them is your responsibility—not someone else’s.
For example, you may decide to keep evenings free for your family. That might leave a gap in your parents’ care, but alternative arrangements can be made without sacrificing your well-being. Boundaries are not rigid walls; they are fences with gates. They require practice, consistency, and flexibility in true emergencies.
Grief in caregiving is layered and ongoing. It’s not limited to death. Caregivers grieve the life that used to exist, the experiences that will not happen, and even the expectations that were never met.
Francis Weller talks about grief as having many gateways. It can come from anticipated loss, from hopes that never came to life, or even from pain passed down through generations. The healthiest way to cope is to feel your grief instead of ignoring it. Sadness may come in waves, but it can live alongside gratitude for the memories you still have.
The most important reminder is this: you have already done enough, you are doing enough, and you are enough.
A caregiver’s worth is not measured by performance or perfection but by their humanity. Your value does not depend on how much you can provide for others. You deserve love and care, including care for yourself. Holding onto this truth can help ease burnout and create space for balance, so you can continue supporting others without losing yourself.
Jeanette’s insights show that caregiving does not have to be shaped by guilt or constant exhaustion. When caregivers take time to understand where guilt really comes from, acknowledge the weight of family history, set boundaries that are flexible yet firm, and allow themselves to feel grief, they begin to take back pieces of their own lives.
Making that shift takes courage. It means moving away from perfectionism and choosing presence instead. It means trading silent self-blame for honest acknowledgment. It means finding balance in place of burnout. With compassion and practical steps, caregivers can look after their loved ones while also looking after themselves. In doing so, they often discover that being good enough is not just acceptable, it is more than enough.
Jeanette Yates is a lifelong caregiver, best-selling author, and trauma-informed coach who helps women navigate the challenges of caring for parents without sacrificing their own well-being. After years of cycling through guilt and burnout while caring for her mother, she developed tools to set boundaries, reclaim confidence, and reconnect with herself. As a Modern Mindfulness Instructor, 200-hour RYT yoga teacher, and certified trauma-informed coach, she combines professional expertise with lived experience to support women through one-on-one coaching and small group sessions. Her work centers on one truth: caregivers can provide love and care without losing themselves in the process.
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