For many caregivers, considering senior living is one of the most emotionally loaded decisions they’ll ever face. It extends beyond the question of care: it addresses identity, promises, and the silent assumption that “I should be able to do this myself.” Even when a move might be safer or healthier, guilt often slips in.
These feelings don’t mean that caregivers are doing anything wrong. They simply reflect how much they care. The trick is to learn to differentiate guilt from responsibility – and exhaustion from love.
Few professionals know this emotional crossroads as well as Corissa Smith, a gerontologist and Certified Dementia Practitioner who works daily hand-in-hand with families making decisions about senior living.
Caregivers can feel everything from barely tolerant to deeply loving, depending on their relationship to the person for whom they provide care. A spouse may struggle with a relocation that feels right for their partner, yet not necessarily for them, thus creating conflict or resentment.
Adult children often struggle with guilt or a sense of failure, feeling they should have managed everything on their own. This can take the form of feelings of abandonment or inadequacy. All the same, caregivers-everyone of them-may turn around and express relief or even excitement at the prospect of their loved one entering a safer environment where they will have the opportunity to stay longer.
There are many indicators that it may be time to consider a community: loneliness is a major one. Poor nutrition, limitation of mobility making household tasks difficult, and safety concerns such as falls or forgetting to turn off appliances are common signals.
I often witness older adults becoming overly dependent on adult children or friends, calling multiple times a day for assistance with basic decisions. This can be indicative of a need for connectedness when driving is no longer an option. The biggest red flag, however, is the inability to manage activities of daily living, which generally indicates that a greater level of care is required.
The journey should start with a place where the family members will feel comfortable, supported, and hopefully thrive. This involves determining the appropriate level of care needed, whether independent living with home health support or assisted living with care around the clock.
Location matters. Even the best community won’t help if loved ones rarely visit. Budget is also critical, since senior living can span many years. Families need to understand what resources are available to ensure long-term affordability. In-person visits are incredibly important. Speaking with residents and staff helps the family sense whether the environment truly fits.
– Corissa Smith, Gerontologist
The caregivers should be trying to put themselves in their loved one’s shoes and consider what is best for them, really. Not always easy when the stakes are emotional. The question starts to be: how can they provide a safe, supportive environment without sacrificing their own health?
When caregivers realize that burnout may make it impossible to help at all, the feeling of guilt softens. Welcoming additional support doesn’t signify giving up but taking care of everyone concerned.
Caregivers are not alone, and there is a reason people and systems are in place to help. I remind caregivers that it’s OK to think of their own health, too, as the strain of caregiving can be quite serious.
It’s OK to allow others to help so that they can remain present and supportive for their loved one over the long haul. Letting others step in doesn’t weaken the bond; often, it strengthens it.
The following perspective by Corissa Smith gently dispels one of the most common myths of the caregiving world: that doing everything alone is the ultimate expression of love. In truth, sustainable care often requires shared responsibility, professional support, and honest limits.
Senior living is not about abandonment; it can be a thoughtful, active, and positive decision-one that may protect both the caregiver and the one receiving care. When caregivers allow themselves to take help, they make room for healthier relationships and a deeper connection with a better quality of life for all concerned.
Corissa Smith, M.S., CPG, CDP, is a gerontologist, Certified Dementia Practitioner, and Sales Director with Trevi Vibrant Senior Living Solutions. She is passionate about empowering professionals and seniors alike in their efforts toward independent, active, and engaged lives for as long as possible. Well-versed in aging and dementia care, Corissa collaborates with families in making senior living decisions in an informed, compassionate, and confident manner. Her approach focuses on dignity, safety, and emotional well-being, which means that aging well encompasses not just the person but also those caring for them.
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