At Learn2Care, we think every caregiver has a story comprised of love, hardship, and change. Behind each act of support is a person dealing with grief, responsibility, identity, and hard choices.
Today, we spoke with Jeanette Yates, a writer, trauma-informed coach, and lifelong caregiver. Jeanette helps women who care for ageing parents stop feeling guilty and overwhelmed. She learned this through her many years of caring for her mother.
Here is Jeanette’s story, in her own words.
“Caregiving opened me up – and it also helped me become whole.”
It has been decades of caring for my mom, but in looking back, I see strengths and graces in both of us-even when it didn’t feel that way at the time. Grace exists because there are hard moments. Not all wrongs are intentional; sometimes they come from exhaustion, fear, or tough circumstances we didn’t choose.
There were times when we were tired of each other, tired of the disease, tired of the life we faced. And still, we always came back for one another, ready to fight, to live and to love another day.
The hardest thing I ever did was caregiving.
And I wouldn’t change it for anything.
The Hardest Lessons: Honoring her while caring for her
Some of the moments stretched me in ways I hadn’t expected.
How do you say no to your own mother — the person who raised you, loved you, depended on you?
How would you set limits for a person whose needs are endless?
And what do you do when what she wants is not what she needs?
These are the questions that kept me up at night. Navigating them was some of the most complex and painful parts of caregiving. But they also shaped me.
Letting go of the guilt, not overnight but in a very deliberate and gradual manner, saved me.
It let me show up with compassion, instead of fear.
It helped me to honor both my mom and myself.
It gave me room to breathe again.
Turning Pain into Purpose
After years of feeling overwhelmed, resentful and burned out, and blaming myself, I finally found some balance. I learned to reconnect with my life, the parts of me I had almost forgotten.
That is why I do the work that I do today.
In my current career, I help women caregivers reclaim their time, confidence, and sense of self — even when caregiving feels like everything.
Because caregiving shouldn’t cost you your life.
And guilt should never be the price you pay for love.
Jeanette Yates, Caregiver, Author, and Trauma-Informed Coach Best-selling author of From Guilt to Good Enough: A Caregiver's Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood Trauma Jeanette is the owner of The Self-Caregiver LLC, helping women whose aging parents are dependent on them via one-on-one and small-group coaching. As a lifelong caregiver herself, she supports women in breaking the pattern of guilt, establishing healthy boundaries, and reconnecting with their personal identity beyond caregiving.
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