Dementia care is as much about relationships as it is about medical facts. Laura Demaree, M.Ed., CDP, is a Dementia Care Leader, Educator, and Community Builder currently serving as Sales and Marketing Manager with Senior Helpers, where she supports families throughout their caregiving journey.
She’s also helping lay the foundation for Town Square San Antonio, an innovative adult day experience designed for people living with dementia and other cognitive changes, and is the founder of Still Waters Consulting, offering dementia education and caregiver advocacy.
Keep reading to know her insights.
To me, it comes down to one simple truth: dementia changes the brain, but it doesn’t erase the person. Behind every diagnosis is someone with a whole lifetime behind them — relationships, preferences, values, a story that’s still unfolding. Our job as caregivers isn’t just to provide care. It’s to protect the dignity and identity of the person we’re caring for.
I’d actually take it a step further and say we need relationship-centered care, not just person-centered care. Dementia never happens in isolation. It reshapes the lives of spouses, adult children, grandchildren, friends, and professional caregivers too — everyone is figuring out how to navigate a relationship that suddenly looks different from what it used to. If we only focus on the individual with dementia, we can miss what the people around them are going through emotionally.
One of the most powerful things a caregiver can do is actually learn what dementia does to the brain. Once you get why your loved one asks the same question five times, or gets suspicious out of nowhere, or checks out of conversations, or can’t do stuff that used to be easy — it just stops feeling like it’s aimed at you. Fear turns into understanding. Frustration turns into patience. And I always tell caregivers — don’t judge yourself by whether you dodged every hard moment. Judge it by how you showed up when the hard moment hit. Every one of those is a chance to build a little more trust, learn a little more.
If I had to pick just one, it would be validation. One of the hardest things for caregivers to accept is that dementia isn’t just about memory. It changes how the brain understands, interprets, and reacts to the world. So when someone says something that isn’t true, or asks the same question for the tenth time, our first instinct is usually to correct them or try to jog their memory. It comes from love, but it can end up leaving them frustrated, scared, or ashamed.
Validation means responding to the emotion, not the facts. Say someone insists they need to “go home.” That’s probably not really about a physical address — it’s more likely about wanting to feel safe or familiar. Instead of saying “But you are home,” you can ask, “Tell me about home,” or say, “It sounds like you’re missing somewhere that felt safe.” You’re meeting them in the feeling instead of arguing them out of it.
– Alexis Ferrara
The first thing I tell new caregivers is this: confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers. It comes from understanding what’s happening and giving yourself permission to figure it out as you go. A dementia diagnosis tends to raise more questions than it answers. Suddenly, families are dealing with behavior changes, emotional shifts, medical appointments, legal paperwork, and shifting family roles — all while grieving someone who’s still right there in front of them.
One of the most empowering things a caregiver can do is learn how dementia actually affects the brain. Once you understand why your loved one keeps asking the same question, or seems suspicious, or pulls away from conversations, or struggles with everyday tasks — it stops feeling personal. Knowledge takes the place of fear. Compassion takes the place of frustration. I also tell caregivers not to measure success by whether they can avoid every hard moment.
That dementia is just memory loss. Memory changes are part of it, sure, but dementia touches so much more — how the brain processes information, reads the environment, communicates, handles emotions, solves problems, makes sense of everyday life. That misconception is what leads caregivers to think their loved one is being stubborn, manipulative, lazy, or difficult on purpose — when really, they’re just responding to a brain that’s working differently now.
Honestly, the second you stop going “why is this person doing this to me” and start going “wait, what’s actually up with them right now” — everything shifts. Like a lot. You’re not trying to fix them or call them out anymore, you’re just trying to figure out what’s going on underneath. And once you’re curious instead of pissed off, most of the fight just kind of dissolves on its own. You’re not against the person anymore. You’re just trying to understand them.
The first thing I’d want them to hear is: you’re not supposed to already know how to do this. Almost every family I work with carries guilt — wondering if they missed the signs, should’ve handled something differently, could’ve somehow prevented what’s happening. But most of us were never taught what dementia actually looks like or how to care for someone whose brain is changing. You can’t expect yourself to already know something nobody ever taught you.
Caregiving is about showing up, again and again, with love and patience and a willingness to keep learning. Take it one moment at a time. Celebrate the small connections, even if they only last a few seconds. Let yourself take breaks without guilt — taking care of yourself is part of taking care of them.
As Laura shared, dementia care comes down to relationships, not routine.
Laura Demaree, Dementia Care Leader | Educator | Community Builder | Senior Helpers & Town Square San Antonio
Laura Demaree, M.Ed., CDP, is a dementia care educator, caregiver coach, and Certified Dementia Practitioner dedicated to helping families and professional caregivers navigate dementia with confidence and compassion. Drawing on her background as a public educator, former Executive Director of a specialized dementia community, and her current work with Senior Helpers of Greater San Antonio, Town Square San Antonio, and Still Waters Consulting, Laura provides practical, relationship-centered education and support that help caregivers preserve dignity, strengthen connections, and respond to the person behind the diagnosis. Her mission is to equip caregivers with real-world strategies that foster understanding, meaningful engagement, and a better quality of life throughout the dementia journey.
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